now suck it

Ask me anything

how to make a jess-
Ingredients:
5 teaspoons of lust
5 cups of shit puns
3 doses of classic rock
6 piercings
1 tattoo
3 eyebrow hairs
1 ounce of bud
IMPORTANT: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD THE JESS BE MIXED WITH TEQUILA

Method:
1. Tell Jamie Oliver to get fucked. You can cook a jess all by yourself.
2. Mix in large, wooden bowl. Why wooden? Because.
3a. Realize you didn't use an electric mixer, like the packet said. Hope for the best.
3b. Unload into tray and into preheated oven. You did preheat it, didn't you? Deadshit.
4. Wait half hour and withdraw gooey mess from oven.
5. Act disgusted when someone walks in.
6. Sneak away to thailand.
7. Dump the gooey mess in the nearest maternity ward - let them sort it out.
8. Run home, covering your tracks.
9. Give up and order pizza.
10. Ring up Jamie Oliver and apologize.
11. Wait 18 years for the 'gooey mess' to tell the truth behind her birth

im a NATURALLY blonde asian-swede-scot-aussie with no home country and a penchant for things i cant have

haha what

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oh sweet cheesus ITS 4/20 TOMORROW WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT

im excited.

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Fuck.

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love this part

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giflords:

NO MEANS NO by I WANT YOU

There’s a loneliness that only exists in one’s mind. The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.

F. Scott Fitzgerald The Great Gatsby (via whenskiesaregrey)

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